So it has been quite a while since my last entry. Much has
happened…a shoulder surgery due to a mountain bike crash in the 24 hours of
Great Glen race, my marriage of 12 years ended rather abruptly, I lived in my
car from January to March (real treat!), and now rent a condo in Intervale not ½
mile from the place I last called home. It’s interesting to me to see all these
changes take place and yet one thing has remained a constant over the years and
that has been my love for climbing and the outdoors. Climbing has been my rock,
my church, my creative outlet and my vehicle to the present moment.
Despite all the upheaval and change, it has been a slow year
for me on ice. My partner of close to 10 years has acquired a new job that
requires him to work weekends. My new parenting role no longer allows me the
free time I once enjoyed to guide or play on the weekends, and my lack of funds
keep me close to home and in used gear.
Beyond all of that, I am quickly approaching my 50th year on this planet and am honestly having a difficult time with that fact. I am trying to come to grips with the aging process but still refuse to shake hands with it. I want to fight against it, to fold inward and slip back to my youth. The issue of age doesn't only rest with me, but with my partners and friend my own age that are dealing with the same thing on their own..coming to grips...looking at their lives, reassessing their goals and life's greater purpose. I am simply not yet ready to back down and wave the white flag. There is still a great deal of fight in me and I feel that I am still able to push myself every bit as hard as I once used to when I occupied a younger man's body.
The difference for me right now is that I am losing my outdoor friends and partners to age, injury, stage of life and lack of interest in the activities that were once important and vital. I understand this change, I am angry at this change and I find myself traveling back in my mind when things were simpler, we were young and strong, we had goals, dreams and time to pursue the passions that drew us all together as adventurers. I chase the shadows of the past but know that they are gone and that my reality is a graying beard, wrinkles around my eyes and forehead and 40 years tops to accomplish the things that I once dreamed possible in my youth.
Beyond all of that, I am quickly approaching my 50th year on this planet and am honestly having a difficult time with that fact. I am trying to come to grips with the aging process but still refuse to shake hands with it. I want to fight against it, to fold inward and slip back to my youth. The issue of age doesn't only rest with me, but with my partners and friend my own age that are dealing with the same thing on their own..coming to grips...looking at their lives, reassessing their goals and life's greater purpose. I am simply not yet ready to back down and wave the white flag. There is still a great deal of fight in me and I feel that I am still able to push myself every bit as hard as I once used to when I occupied a younger man's body.
The difference for me right now is that I am losing my outdoor friends and partners to age, injury, stage of life and lack of interest in the activities that were once important and vital. I understand this change, I am angry at this change and I find myself traveling back in my mind when things were simpler, we were young and strong, we had goals, dreams and time to pursue the passions that drew us all together as adventurers. I chase the shadows of the past but know that they are gone and that my reality is a graying beard, wrinkles around my eyes and forehead and 40 years tops to accomplish the things that I once dreamed possible in my youth.
+x2+006.jpg)
+101.jpg)
+136.jpg)
